So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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