what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
