Sry I called you an 8
I wish i was in the wii world.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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