don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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