did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
