i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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