Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
