Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
