I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
