he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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