I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
