i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
