I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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