i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
