Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
