Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Semen is not good for contacts.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
