I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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