When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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