Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
