Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize