does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
