Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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