Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
