just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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