Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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