Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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