...so i touched it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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