im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
