I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
