can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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