ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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