College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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