maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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