fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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