It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
