I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
