I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
