All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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