Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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