Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
