I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
