Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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