he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
