your parents love me but you hate me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
