The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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