i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He did a backflip because drugs
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
