I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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