you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
