so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
