I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
