I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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