So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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