You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You made out with two different species that night
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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