im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
