just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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