I must be too annoying 4 u.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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