i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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