she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
