sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
