Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
