Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize