i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
