my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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