Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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