i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
