I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
