Umm I'm too high to move.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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