oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
