He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
