Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
