The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I came so hard my ears popped.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
