If i come over, it means nothing
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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