Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
