well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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