i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
