3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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