I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
