3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
