I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
