You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
