Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
