she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
